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Transcript

[TRANSCRIPT]

**0:00:00** – (Zoe Fox): Hello and welcome to Her Power, the podcast. With me, your host, Zoe Fox. This podcast is for the women who are out there really wanting to heal from the pain of the past and connect with the greatest possible opportunities to see just how good life can get. So I am coming at you today. It is a Tuesday evening. It’s the first Tuesday of the holidays. I’m recording live from my living room. It’s been a bit of a kerfuffle trying to get everything sorted, technical issues and whatnot.

**0:00:36** – (Zoe Fox): My little one is still awake. I don’t know why I decided to come back to the podcast. Like the first week of the six weeks holidays wasn’t a wise choice, but I’m itching to come back, so we’re going to make it work. But what that’s making me acknowledge is just how much it really depends on how you feel on the day as to what you bring to the episodes. So today, first day of the holiday, I took the little one to there was a community event at the local pony center.

**0:01:08** – (Zoe Fox): It’s like an inner city pony center that I didn’t even know existed. So I took her there. She got to meet the horses and groom the horses and she got to have a little ride on a pony, which was really cute. And then we went to the park and we had a little picnic. So it’s been quite an active day for me. So now I’m kind of like, yeah, let’s do this because if I don’t do it today, what’s the excuse going to be tomorrow?

**0:01:36** – (Zoe Fox): And I said, I’m back now, so I’m back. So I hope you have had a good week. I’m wondering what have been the key themes for you over the course of the last week? There’s usually something that we can look back and think about. Oh, yeah, that was a key theme for me over the last week. How many times am I going to say the last week? The last week. For me, one of the key themes that I noticed or that I was working with was that of fear.

**0:02:13** – (Zoe Fox): Now, fear is something that has been prevalent in my life for many years and it’s been the root cause of a lot of anxiety. And I think for me, a lot of it stems back to really when I lost my boyfriend very suddenly when I was 18 years old. And that moment really just knocked me off kilter, really impacted my mental health in, in a negative way. And I was stuck there for a very long time and my life was ruled by fear, fear of something going wrong at any given moment.

**0:02:51** – (Zoe Fox): So what we’ll probably find as we go through these episodes is like, we’re what, 66 episodes into this podcast now? Is there’s going to be repeating subjects? And I think for me, because there’s certain key themes that always crop up in my life, I will naturally keep coming back to them. But what I enjoy about life is how as we grow and encounter new experiences, we’re able to have new perspectives on old subjects, really, or things that we’ve been dealing with for a long time.

**0:03:21** – (Zoe Fox): So an interesting thing for me about fear is just how much I’ve grown as a person over the last, in particular the last twelve years. I would say, yeah, before that.

**0:03:42** – (B): I.

**0:03:42** – (Zoe Fox): Was in a very, very difficult place when it came to fear. It actually stopped me living. I wouldn’t leave the house, I wouldn’t go anywhere, I couldn’t take any sort of risks. When I say risks, I’m talking about getting on my usual tube, a different door. For me, that was like a huge risk. And even the thought of having to get on the tube in a different place kind of sent me into a panic attack. I just couldn’t handle, had very rigid thinking, I couldn’t handle any sort of change or have any flexibility in the way that I was approaching the day because of this underlying fear that then created essentially anxiety disorder, which presented itself as generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD.

**0:04:27** – (Zoe Fox): And it’s been a long journey coming out of it. And even though I have really come a long way, I always noticed that undercurrent that still sits there. I spent so many years being programmed into this fearful way of thinking that even though now I’ve done twelve years of consciously trying to move beyond it, I still have moments where it comes up and I have to try and figure out how I’m going to manage it.

**0:04:59** – (Zoe Fox): So over the last week, I think last time during the last episode, I said that I was going to be speaking at the Wildflowers of London event, which was an amazing event, and shout out to Lou Nylander, the amazing Lou. Everybody needs a Lou in their lives. The world is a better place for Lou. If you don’t know her, then you should get to know her and definitely get down to one of her Wildflowers of London’s.

**0:05:29** – (Zoe Fox): See, this is what happens when you try and record after a long day, her Wildflowers of London events. So Lou invited me to come and speak to her community. And I’m no stranger to speaking. I have got a podcast, I speak to people all the time. I’ve done panel stuff, I’ve done lots of speaking in public over the years. But this was different because this was like my first solo speaking to a live audience situation that wasn’t a workshop.

**0:06:09** – (Zoe Fox): And somehow in my head it felt so big because I hadn’t necessarily done anything like that before. And I’m presenting my own story, my own journey, which is something that I do on the podcast, but also then tying that into presenting my framework, the Inner World Alchemy framework, which is the framework that I use and that I’ve been using to help to guide other women through these stages of coming through adversity and connecting to your potential.

**0:06:36** – (Zoe Fox): So it was quite a big thing for me and my head really amplified that sense of it being a big thing. So I started to get quite nervous and I was having all these fears playing out in my head because I can think of so many times in the past where I’ve gone to do speaking things or I’ve done speaking things. And because the anxiety has been so strong inside, it hasn’t necessarily been a very pleasant experience.

**0:07:03** – (Zoe Fox): And it was something that I thought that I’d never really want to get into or do much of, just because of how uncomfortable it made me feel. But I decided well, I wouldn’t even say I’ve decided, but just the way that my life has started to unfold, particularly since I’ve had this spinal cord injury, it’s like I have to use my voice to share what I feel like, the messages that I’m trying to share. And that is one of hope and possibility in the face of difficult things.

**0:07:36** – (Zoe Fox): And I can’t do that by staying silent. So this new mission has kind of taken me well, out of my comfort zone on many occasions. So, yeah, I mean, I recently did some filming with the Canned Lions team. I did some filming last year with Treasure Tress. I’ve done filming with Barbie, I’ve done filming with London Real. I’ve had lots of opportunities to do stuff like that. The London Real one, that was like the first thing that I did that made me so nervous that my face pretty much froze.

**0:08:12** – (Zoe Fox): I couldn’t move my mouth, my mouth went all dry and I couldn’t get my mouth. So much fear and anxiety and cortisol running from my body that I just like I started seizing up, but I got into it. So it’s all these instances that I can think about from the past where my anxiety and fear has inhibited my ability to just relax and present how I want to present. So it was like coming up to the event and in the day before, I started noticing that I was getting a little bit of a sore throat. But to me it was interesting because I never really get sore throat. So it was interesting how I’ve got this sort of fear on a subconscious well, not even just a subconscious level, but conscious level fear about using my voice and speaking to people. And it started to manifest in this feeling in my throat, which, funnily enough, disappeared, like, the day after I’d done the talk.

**0:09:08** – (Zoe Fox): So it’s interesting how these feelings find a way within your body as well to help you to become more tuned into what you’re experiencing. So before I used to be kind of disjointed from my fear, it was something that I used to feel, but I wasn’t consciously engaging with it. So I knew that on the other side of having done this public speaking thing, I was going to be feeling much better. And I got to a point where I was just like, right, I just need to get it done now.

**0:09:41** – (Zoe Fox): I was excited and I was trying to use that anxiety as excitement rather than fear. But yeah, my head was just playing it over and over again. I’m like, what if I dry up on the night? What if I don’t know what to say? What if, what if, what if? And I’m like, a few people gave me some sage advice about talking in public. It’s like, nobody knows what you’re going to say, so just say what you’ve got to say and nobody knows your story. Like, you know your story.

**0:10:10** – (Zoe Fox): So there’s another thing as well, is like, sitting in front of people and talking through my experiences and my story and then you realize, well, that’s actually quite a lot of stuff and it is quite a heavy story to share. And then you get that sort of feeling where you’re a bit like, oh, you feel like you’ve just taken your clothes off and sat in front of everyone. You know what I mean? Just like, hello.

**0:10:38** – (Zoe Fox): There are moments when even in sharing authentically, that I am a bit like, oh, is this a lot? Is this too much? But then it’s the feedback afterwards that comes that it’s in those moments of difficulty that other women are able to say, well, you know what? Yeah, I experienced that, or thank you for speaking up about that, because that’s something that I’ve had and nobody really talks about it. So it’s those things that spur me on because it’s that feedback that I’ve been getting, especially since I’ve started this podcast, that lets me know that I’m not alone in these challenges and in these struggles and in me being willing to be like, this is uncomfortable, but yeah, this was a difficult time. This was something that I struggle with, these are one of my fears.

**0:11:28** – (Zoe Fox): Then it just helps other people to think like, we are human and this is part of human and you can have these challenges and feel these feelings of discomfort, but still push ourselves. And in every experience where I’ve gone in totally scared, not wanting to do it, possibly avoided it at all costs previously, I go in and I do it and I always come away feeling so accomplished and so pleased with myself and just that extra little boost. Because for me, there is a little girl still within me.

**0:12:06** – (Zoe Fox): When you go back to thinking about the inner child work, there’s a little girl in there that lacks confidence and she still presents, even though I’m not that person anymore. So it’s like it’s being mindful of these outdated patterns and how they play out in your life and how they show up and recognizing them and knowing that that’s not you. Now, I know that me the woman that I am now, with everything that I’ve been through, everything that I’ve learned.

**0:12:36** – (Zoe Fox): I’m not scared to speak in public. I do it all the time. It’s just all of a sudden I’ve put this label on it and it’s turned into this thing that I was scared of in the past and now I’m playing that out. But actually this is when you need to stop and check yourself and be like, am I that person now? Am I that 13 year old that had to speak in front of a group of people and then got all scared and didn’t know what to say.

**0:13:01** – (Zoe Fox): And it’s going back and thinking about all the times where I allowed the fear to stop me. And that frustration and disappointment, that sense of disappointment that you get when you feel like I should have done that and I didn’t do it. And I let X, Y and Z get in my way. And I don’t want to live with those feelings anymore because I can think of so many opportunities in the past where I didn’t do something, didn’t pursue something because I was scared. And there was this fear that lies within.

**0:13:36** – (Zoe Fox): So what is on the other side of fear, this sense of accomplishment and this thing that then makes you want to go on and do even more? And I’m wondering if there’s things in your life at the moment that you’re putting off because of fear, because maybe you haven’t even examined what that fear is even about. But there’s a resistance, something in you that’s stopping you from sort of connecting with this dream, the vision, like the ultimate vision that you can have for yourself. Perhaps you don’t even believe it’s possible because there’s all these stories playing out from the past that are telling you that it’s not possible.

**0:14:12** – (Zoe Fox): And if I think back to where I was 20 years ago, so much of what I’m doing now I would never have thought was possible. And it’s interesting now as a mom. Like I said, I took my daughter pony riding today and she wouldn’t brush the pony at first because she was so frightened. And this dog’s come up and she’s all on edge because she doesn’t like dogs coming up to her and she didn’t even want to touch the pony.

**0:14:43** – (Zoe Fox): And I was really thinking back to me in those days, what did I need? What encouragement did I need? I remember a time when I was at Brownies and we had this opportunity to do this absailing. And I climbed all the way to the top of this whatever it was, wooden structure. And I stood at the top and.

**0:15:03** – (B): I was like, I can’t do it. And I couldn’t do it.

**0:15:07** – (Zoe Fox): So I had to climb back down rather than absailing. And everyone else was down there celebrating what they’d achieved. And I just had to sit with this sense of disappointment in myself because I bottled it, basically. So I’m just looking at my daughter and thinking, what can I do here to build her confidence in this moment so that she’s not having unnecessary moments where she’s feeling that sense of disappointment because she hasn’t done it and instead she’s feeling that sense of pride and accomplishment because she stepped out and she did it. And today I was so surprised when she got on the pony, especially because beforehand they sort of take you around and introduce you to the horses and you’re learning all about the horse and they give you the little brush and she had a little curry comb, they call it, and they told us how to brush the horse. So it’s like a nice massage for them.

**0:16:05** – (Zoe Fox): And I had to sort of put my hand on her hand and help her to do it, but she was not keen to do it. And when they took us into the bit where they go running around, there’s probably a more technical term for it, just to go and sort of stand on this little podium thing to help her get onto the pony. I was thinking she’s going to I was doubting that she was going to do it because she was so anxious before, but I was so proud when she did it and it was so beautiful then as she was. Going round on this little pony, her looking at me and us having that eye contact and she looking at me like, I did it, Mommy. I’m doing it, Mommy. I was like, yes, kid, you’re doing it.

**0:16:44** – (Zoe Fox): So I’m thinking of all the lessons that I’ve learned through my life and where I can kind of make sure.

**0:16:52** – (B): That I’m instilling that confidence into her.

**0:16:55** – (Zoe Fox): So that she’s not coming up against these same challenges that I’ve experienced throughout the years. So how does fear show up for you?

**0:17:06** – (B): Where is fear preventing you from really connecting in with that ultimate potential of yours?

**0:17:15** – (Zoe Fox): So I wrote a few things down earlier in just some ways that I’ve.

**0:17:19** – (B): Noticed that fear shows up for me.

**0:17:22** – (Zoe Fox): So in self doubt.

**0:17:27** – (B): Again, this is.

**0:17:27** – (Zoe Fox): More of an outdated pattern because now I believe in myself in such a way that I never used to before, but I used to constantly doubt myself, particularly as a teenager. I think that’s where that really stemmed from for me. And then when you’ve got that doubt and when you’ve got that lack of confidence, that sort of ties in with the anxiety and the fear of going outside your comfort zone, it’s easy to procrastinate. So when I think back to all these different ideas I’ve had in the.

**0:17:58** – (B): Past and different things that have come through that, I’m like, oh, I want.

**0:18:04** – (Zoe Fox): To do this or I’d love to do that.

**0:18:07** – (B): But then something inside me had stopped.

**0:18:10** – (Zoe Fox): Me from going on to do it again. Usually this resistance within, but once I.

**0:18:17** – (B): Started to really spend a lot of.

**0:18:20** – (Zoe Fox): Time in visualization thinking about what is it that I really want to create.

**0:18:27** – (B): In my life now that isn’t going.

**0:18:30** – (Zoe Fox): To be hindered by patterns from the past. So it’s allowing yourself that time to connect with that vision for yourself and think about where you want to be five years from now and what does that look like in its most epic sense? What does your life look like five years from now?

**0:18:50** – (B): If you’re really living your best life.

**0:18:54** – (Zoe Fox): And connecting to your potential, and I’d really invite you to spend some time just going into that and having to think about how good can life get five years from now. And I think the more time that you spend nurturing that vision, the more you start to believe it, the more you start to adjust your nervous system to it, the more it begins to feel possible and the less distance there is between you and that goal.

**0:19:20** – (Zoe Fox): And then you start noticing how you’re prepared to take aligned action to move you slightly closer to that goal.

**0:19:27** – (B): So, yeah, I’m wondering what lives on.

**0:19:33** – (Zoe Fox): The other side of fear for you?

**0:19:36** – (B): What would you do tomorrow if you.

**0:19:41** – (Zoe Fox): Had no fear, no reservations, if nothing was holding you back? Yeah, have a little journal around that or have a little ponder around that.

**0:19:53** – (B): And just start to connect with what you would do if fear wasn’t a.

**0:20:01** – (Zoe Fox): Thing or if fear was not getting.

**0:20:02** – (B): In the way, where would you be heading five years from now?

**0:20:06** – (Zoe Fox): Because it’s something that you can do, it’s something that you can start moving towards, it doesn’t have to feel like this totally alien concept. Just start connecting with that as a possibility and you’ll be absolutely amazed at how not only you step up to that vision of yourself, but how things around you in the universe start to conspire to support you there.

**0:20:27** – (B): So with that, I think I’m going.

**0:20:31** – (Zoe Fox): To keep it short and sweet today just because I am quite tired and I am trying to see how we.

**0:20:40** – (B): Can keep this conversation going and live.

**0:20:44** – (Zoe Fox): With a disability and be a mother to a small child and not put too much pressure, pressure on ourselves to seek perfection, but just to get it done. Yeah, I think that has to be what can we do to get this.

**0:21:00** – (B): Done without causing ourselves too much unnecessary.

**0:21:05** – (Zoe Fox): Stress or overly pursuing perfection? And as a virgo, that’s a challenge, but I want to keep it real, I want to keep it consistent and yeah, I want to keep the conversation.

**0:21:17** – (B): Going regardless of how I’m feeling on the day.

**0:21:20** – (Zoe Fox): That’s quite an interesting way to sort of see how you interface with life anyway, depending on how you’re feeling on any given day. So you can head on over to Zoefox Co UK and if you’re interested, you can download the Empowered Life Assessment. And in the Empowered Life Assessment there are twelve questions that are really going to help you just reflect on what.

**0:21:46** – (B): It is that you want from life.

**0:21:48** – (Zoe Fox): What your motivations to do that, and it all ties in with what we’ve been talking about, really. And I think once you get clear, like I’ve already said, it helps it to become really achievable. So start having a little think about it. And then we’ve also got the manifest, your perfect day planner on the website, which is something that you can go through at the end of the day just to help you to reconnect with yourself so you can head into the next day with more intention.

**0:22:15** – (Zoe Fox): Yeah, I find real value in doing that, like just getting clear the day before and then you wake up the next day and you know where you’re going, you know what you’re doing, and it helps you to really focus. So, yeah, those are free downloads on.

**0:22:29** – (B): The website and I think that’s it today.

**0:22:33** – (Zoe Fox): I will come back again next week and hopefully I’ll be a little bit more energized. But big love, peace out. I hope you have a great week ahead. Hit me up on the Socials, let me know what’s standing in your way at the moment. I’d be interested to have a conversation. You can catch me on instagram at Zoe Fox. And yeah, that’s it.

**0:22:57** – (B): Big love, peace out, and I’ll catch you next week.